58. Deathrow High
The fluorescent lights passed by along the passageway. It reminded me of childhood when I travelled around the country with dad on his business trips. We’d do this during my school breaks. It was sort of our little picnic together, a father-son bonding experience. When we’re driving along a lonely stretch on a cool day, I’d have the window down and my head sticking out to absorb the tropical air. At times, I’d just sit at the back dreamily, becoming mesmerized by the painted lines on the street passing me at a ferocious pace. Of course it had all to do with the speed of the car. So I’d cheer dad on to drive faster.
A ‘game’ I played fondly in a vehicle was to pretend it was a spaceship. This was particularly fun at night when approaching cars had their headlights on. Through the space of the wiper blades I’d gun down those enemy planes.
Dad and I didn’t have problems before adolescence. Occasionally I think the fault is mine. God! I don’t even know what the fault is! It’s just being a teenager, not that dad was bad. Nor does it have to do with the presumption that grandma was good. Grandma was good…and so was dad, but it was just my hormones. Like what I’d mentioned earlier in the book, if Na Nah was around when I was thirteen…I’d probably hate her guts too. So, you see, if it was all to do with adolescence, then the problem is that I’d not been able to free myself from those teenage years. It’s true! Like that song by Vertical Horizon: I’m still learning things that I ought to know by now. I wrestle with youthful issues…issues that should no longer be of concern. When I mix with friends I’d known from way back, I don’t see any such struggles in them. Odd…it’s not fair; does God have a personal vendetta against me…?
I’m going in circles. Won’t find no answers here.
The irony of life finds its way to Frank’s cell. He was in the shadows, looking glum. I felt like I was visiting Emperor Palpatine in his throne room. Frankie’s smoking, and the movements of his jaw evoked images of the Sith Lord. If yer lost, it’s Star Wars, again. What can I say for my fascination with the (original) Trilogy…I was a child of that epoch: A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
A long time ago, alright…that I last saw Frank. Hope that nothing bad will happen in this galaxy in here. He didn’t seem like talking…I had mix feelings. No, I don’t wish to push him…but… Yes! I feel pissed. It’s not cheap, you know, every time I set foot into this God forsaken hell… I have to ‘pay’ the ‘guardian angels.’ But that’s the way life operates. At least that’s one thing I managed to learn...bribery, paying my way through. I guess it’s the same all over the world. No questions about it, not a case of right or wrong, it’s just a fact of life. No one is to be blamed…no one should, at least.
“Sorry for not coming for such a long time,” I started with a straightforward approach. No sound returning. Best to speak to a wall! “I’d been busy if you want to know…”
“Su Leng?” he cut in.
“Yah…gaining headway.” Lies lies lies… Might as well go on, “I just need a little more time, Frankie.”
“She’s all I think about.”
That was about as far as the conversation went. Since his request to see his wife, Frank had not been too talkative. Unlike his former self. What brought me to him in the first place…?
Confusion…
My bliss had disappeared as quickly as it materialized. I was confused. For the first time I really, really thought I’d found out all…the answer to everything… But either I was too foolish or high to realize…I hadn’t. Now that it flies off with no warning, I’d been caught unsuspecting. It drowns me in a sense of panic and pain. And I don’t know where to turn. You say Ai Leen, but I’m her guy…boyfriend. I’m the man; I don’t want to be seen as useless, though it could very well be only me who passes judgement.
Being in the company of a person who has nothing but a dead-end-future facing him might cause me to heal; like a balm applied to aching parts, it soothes. Frankie’s brand medicinal oil…
…And it does! I was humming my way back home. Somehow it worked. I was too amazed to consider how it happened. That’s what I always do in the past; I analyze my interaction with events that befall me. Perhaps the powers above are dropping clues for my intellect to pick up. “Dropping…” Haha! I think of God shitting!!! Hahahaha! Now that’s fucking funny.
But as I crossed the Damansara toll to Desa Kiara, the reverse occurred. As if my life was nothing more than a movie on tape, someone pressed the rewind button for my future to move backward. A dark cloud settled for no apparent reason, and my first conclusion was God’s punishment for mocking his name! Then it was Satan toying with me for I’d unknowingly given my life over to him as part of his hopeless horde.
Naw! Life can’t be that blessed to have unseen forces concerned over my soul. There must be a simpler explanation, a scientific rationalization…one that’s logical, one that makes total sense.
If there was, it wasn’t here. I’d to make a decision quick, for the pressure is mounting to smash the car into a pole. I did; make a decision, that is. You ought to know by now I wouldn’t do such a gutsy thing like risk my life…or my car. Some rational people may say that I snapped out of foolishness, that destroying my car, and possibly even my life, would be dumb. And thankfully, I did that which was wise. I’d say that I simply didn’t have the balls!
What I had balls to do was to make a U-turn and drive up the North-South expressway to the little town of Bidor.
AI generated art prompted by author
All characters and events, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental